The Amazing Spider-Man and the Amzaingly Haunted PS4
by The Actual Socrates
Summary: Spider-Man buys a new game system, but all is not well...


THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN AND THE AMAZINGLY HAUNTED PLAYSTATION

It was June of 2016, and while the average teenager was going to parties, or getting laid in and Dunkin' Donuts bathroom, one Peter Parker was watching E3 alone in his room. It was the Sony conference, and while there were a few strange things like yet another open-world zombie crafting crap, Peter was for the most part uninterested. He didn't even have a PS4, watching E3 was just the only thing he had to do. Besides save the guy clinging for his dear life outside his window. But who'd want to do that?

However, Peter's mind was just about to be blown. A new trailer played, showing shots of New York City, narrated by a voice that sounded like that one guy from New Vegas. Didn't seem all that great, but then Spider Man showed up on screen. "das me" Peter said, before even realizing that they were making a video game out of him. A GOOD video game. Other than Spiderman 2. Or maybe the one on PS1. Maybe Maximum Carnage, too, if we're being generous.

The point is, Peter knew he NEEDED this game. It would be his LIFE. While I don't see why he'd want it so bad (It'd be like a farmer buying Farming Simulator), he was VERY passionate about it. He was so passionate about it that just then and there, he crashed into J. Jonah Jameson's house, asking for a paycheck. Unfortunately, he was sleeping at the time, and to make things worse, with a Colombian hooker, so seeing Peter Parker crash through his window was very disconcerting. "PETER PARKER POOPER PUCKER PIMPLE PICKLE PARRY POTTER WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!" Jameson asked.

"Can I have my paycheck now?" Peter said. J. Jonah Jivin' Jiminy Cricket JC Denton Jimble Jamblin' Jameson was so flabbergasted that he tore off his Hitler moustache and put it on Peter's head. "Wow, a Hitler moustache!" Peter said. "I prefer to call it a Chaplin moustache…" Jameson said, but Peter was already in the streets screaming German nonsense to little kids. Peter then went to Gamestop to go look for a PS4. "Pizza Zeit" Peter Parker said to the manager of the store. "Oh hey there, kid… HEH HEH HEH HEH…" the creepy clerk said. "I'm looking for a Playstation 4!" Parker said. "Oh, that's $399 US Dollars" the clerk said. Peter then looked into his pocket and found a sock, a DVD of Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, and a poorly drawn picture of Peter fingering Mary Jane. "This isn't enough, is it?" Peter asked. The clerk laughed, and said "tell ya what, kid. I'll give you a brand-new Playstation 4 AND a game to go with it! You just have to give me that moustache…"

"Wait, the PS4 has games?" Peter said. Excited at this revelation, he flung his facial hair at the cashier. However, it landed on his ass instead of his head, so he became Adolf Buttler, and he could now fart long German rants about the jews. He even wrote a book about it, called "Mein Arsch" and the text consisted entirely of "PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT".

However, Buttler was a man of his words, so he handed Peter Parker the old, worn down Playstation 4, and a cartridge with the words "UNCHARTED" on it. Peter was not aware of the fact that the PS4 used discs instead of cartridges, so he thought nothing was amiss. That said, he WAS slightly unnerved when he noticed the bloodstains on the cartridge, the words "HELP ME" written on the back, or the dead baby goat with an inverted pentagram carved into it's stomach that just showed up in his room when he brought the system in there. But he wasn't unnerved enough to stay away from the system, no, he was going to play the hell out of it. Now, the Playstation 4 doesn't have a cartridge slot, so Peter just jammed the thing into the system. It worked. Somehow.

The TV blared a big orchestral score as the word "UNCHARTED" filled the screen. No "Drake's Fortune", "Among Thieves", "Drake's Deception", or "Shitty Movie Game". Just "UNCHARTED", with a massive picture of Nathan Drake's face and the option to press start. Being the hardcore teenage rebel he was, Peter pressed A instead, but when he did, Nathan's eyes glew red and a horrific smirk grew on his face. The difficulty settings were "YOUR", "MOTHER", "SUCKS", "COCKS", "IN", and "HELL". After choosing the "COCKS" difficulty, the game began.

Sully woke up on an island, alone. He was butt-naked and the camera focused heavily on his old hairy ass. Sully walked along a beach for 12.4 minutes until he noticed a bunch of dead sealife around him. There was also a naked guy hugging a fetus, but Sully didn't pay too much attention to that. Eventually, he saw Nathan Drake looking out to sea. "Nathan, what are you doing?" Sully asked, only for the man's head to turn around 180 degrees. "hey sully" he said, "where's mike lol" as he jumped into the ocean. Suddenly, a giant Nathan Drake head rose from the ocean. His head was bigger than the island. "yes yes yes?" he said as he charged straight for Sully. "AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Sully screamed as Nathan's giant disembodied head came straight at him. A blood-curdling scream filled the room.

"wow nice graphics" Peter said, unaware that anything fishy going on. He then saw he was playing as Elena. Elena was playing Crash Bandicoot, alone, in the house. "man I wonder when Drake is coming home." Elena said, and then the doors bursted open. It was Drake.

"You used to call me on my cellphone" Drake said, as he did a silly dance. Elena tried to join him, and the game turned into a rhythm game like Space Channel 5. Soon after, Crash Bandicoot came out of the TV and joined them. A mummy? Why not? A mummy joined them too. But then the mummy unwrapped it's bandages and revealed itself to be Nathan Drake! Well, not exactly. He looked like Nathan Drake, but had demonic red glowing eyes. Let's call him Ekard Nahtan. He said "You are so much for a long way in which a man with my family and friends of friends with benefits and I love my life I lie on a Friday afternoon to get my money to pay to see what the future is the most recent version." Suddenly, Drake and Crash dropped dead. Then they exploded. And then two smaller Nathan Drakes emerged from the corpses. The smaller Nathans were eaten by the bigger Nathan, who became even bigger as a result. He went to the living room, where some nice music played, a fire was burning in the fireplace, Elena's head was split open, and Ekard Nahtan tried to beat Elena's high score in Crash Bandicoot. Peter couldn't do it, so Ekard ate Elena's brain, and the screen cut to black.

Suddenly, Peter took control of Chloe. She was in a clock tower, which was chugging away. Suddenly, Chloe's hair turned blue. Druckmann strikes again, I presume. She heard a voice say "no no no no no". It sounded like Nathan, but it could've been anybody because he was voiced by Nolan North. The gears of the clock tower moved faster and faster as he kept saying "no". The clock tower exploded, and Chloe was left hanging. She started crying, because she had visions of her friends dying like animals. But that was just the tip of the iceberg of badness that was about to ensue. Chloe then heard a faint "hi" and saw Ekard's demonic head looking right at her. She then fell and got into a car that was inside of the ruined clock tower, and drove as suspenseful music played. Ekard's disembodied head was closely pursuing her. Peter tried to steer the car, but eventually crashed. Chloe was trying to get up, but Ekard was right there.

She screamed, and the screen cut to black.

Thoroughly spooked, Peter still played, only to be met with a chilling message.

Some text popped up on screen saying "I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU".

Peter looked behind him, and was horrified. Ekard had somehow manifested itself into reality, and was staring Peter down. He walked slowly towards Peter, who was too shocked to move a muscle. He could just barely move his mouth to form a word. "You" Peter said.

"You"

"You're beautiful…" he finally made out.

"WHAT?" Ekard said.

"You're so handsome! Let's get married!" Peter Parker said.

"do your thing, make my body sing" Ekard Nahtan said.

"I'm not even 18 yet though!" Peter said.

So roughly five years later, Peter Parker and Ekard Nahtan were married. Aunt May wasn't too stoked to see her nephew getting married to a haunted video game character, but at least he was doing _something_ with his life. And if Uncle Ben wasn't already dead, he surely would've hanged himself after that.

So Peter and Ekard went on their honeymoon, in exotic India. Ekard was trying to look for an ancient treasure, but really just wanted to violently murder innocent people who may be treasure hunting. Peter Parker was trying to save people, but they just kept throwing their feces at him, so he went back to the hotel. "Such a lovely day" Ekard Nahtan said, hanging two innocent heads on his wall. "I can't say the same" Peter Parker said, covered in poo poo. "Hey, you're over 18 now, right?" Ekard said. "Yeah" Peter said. "I think it's time" Ekard Nahtan said, as he unzipped his pants.

They then engaged in some nice, lovely, horrid, disturbing, psychologically scarring sexytimes that I'd surely get banned for detailing. For reference, imagine Brokeback Mountain meets The Human Centipede but with Spider Man and Nathan Drake.

"That was… uh… something…" Peter Parker said. "Let's never speak of that again." "Oh no" Ekard said. "I forgot to put on a condom…" Peter was actually OK. "Well you're not exactly human, so I'm sure it'll be fine" he said.

Five months later, Spider Man got home from a hard day of work. Ekard, having gained 150 pounds, was heading out to go clubbing. AS USUAL.

See, being an extremely powerful data monster from a haunted video game cartridge, Ekard had difficulty finding a job. Nobody wanted to hire a monster that can and most likely will kill all your customers. Eventually, Ekard stopped looking for work and became a fat NEET who spent all his time playing Crash Bandicoot (on a PS1 he made Parker buy) while he was busy fighting crime. Once he came home, Ekard would make his way to the gay bar, where he'd talk people up. Peter was pretty stressed at the lack of together time, but things were about to hit their limit.

Peter was just about to hit the hay when FROZEN ELSA came through the door. "I am FROZEN ELSA let it go" she said. Spiderman asked "What are you doing in my house?" he asked. "I have some news for you also let it go"

Meanwhile, at the gay bar, Ekard was watching that speedrun of Crash 2 from SGDQ 2015. "HA HA HE DIED" Ekard said, as he downed another drink. But he wouldn't be drinking for long as Peter had come down to see him. "YOU. We need to talk." Peter said, looking at Ekard. He then saw Jameson. He looked unnerved, and then said "uh… hi Peter. So… uh… you and Mary Jane not work out or something?"

"It's a long story" Peter said as they made it back to his apartment.

"Listen Ekard, I know you can't find a job, I know it's difficult and everything, but I just don't feel like you're as committed to our relationship as I am!"

"I am VERY committed!" Ekard said.

"BULLSHIT! Every day I'm fighting the Green Goblin, or Dr. Octopus, or Carnage, or Mysterio, or even Adolf Buttler, just so they can't ruin our Sunday picnic! But YOU! You just sit on your fat ass every day and watch that Crash 2 commercial over and over again. That thing has been on loop on the TV for _eight days_! And THEN you go out to bars to have sex with other guys while I'm at home alone! I don't think you understand. The director of your last game may be a cuckold, but I sure as hell am not one."

"Is fighting crime REALLY that hard?" Ekard argued.

"Ekard" Peter said, "I'm pregnant".

He then looked in shock.

"TWINS" he then said.

"wow" Nahtan said. Tearing up, he said "I… am going to be a dad… wow…"

Eventually, the babies were born. One, a young boy who looked kinda like Nathan Drake but with demon eyes and the body of the Spider Man suit. They named him as "Junior". Real creative, I know. The other was a girl who had the body of Cassie Drake but had the head of Peter. They called her "Deah S'retep Htiw Tub Ekard Eissac". After realizing that technical problems (being spoopy haunted video game monsters, mass murder is their equivalent of teething, for example), they moved to the countryside of Connecticut, because nothing ever happens in Connecticut.

It was a nice Sunday morning when, for the first time ever, Peter Parker finally got to have a picnic with his man. Well, haunted video game monster to be more precise, but he said man. They had pizza, because if there's anything good about Connecticut, it's the pizza. "Pizza time" Peter Pizza Parker said. After being disappointed at the fact that the Pepe's pizza chain was not operated by an anthropomorphic frog, they dug in. Ekard had lost most of the weight he had put on when he was a NEET, but with all that pizza, he was sure to regain it, fast. "Such a lovely day, and this time shit isn't flying everywhere!" Nahtan said. Junior and Deah S'retep Htiw Tub Ekard Eissac were playing in the field. All was well.

Or not.

Behind a bush in their picnic area, they were being watched. "How DARE that kid insult me like that!" a suspicious man said. It was Neil Druckmann, dressed in a devil bodysuit. Like the one that kid from that CGI Halloween movie they play every year on Cartoon Network. Except for a fat bearded man. "He shouldn't get to enjoy my creations. I know what I'll do!" he said. Neil snuck in the Parker/Nahtan residence and found the old Uncharted cartridge. He snuck it back into his house, where he brought something very sinister out of it.

"You know, normally I'd be sitting on my ass playing video games or something, but today, we're actually enjoying life. That's nice" Ekard said, when a figure arose in the background. "Hello there, EKARD…" she said. "oh no" Ekard said. And when something scared him, you know it was bad. "Who the hell are you?" Parker said. The figure came closer.

"My name is… Enidan." She said. She looked like Nadine from Uncharted 4, but with demon eyes. "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!" she screamed as she beat up Ekard. Parker tried to help Ekard, but she beat him into submission as well.

"Nothin personell kid" she said as she teleported behind Ekard Nahtan and killed him.

Peter Parker screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He was upset.

"What happened to Daddy?" Junior and Deah S'retep Htiw Tub Ekard Eissac asked.

"Daddy… is dead".

At the funeral, Peter saw Venom, who was all like "what's up?" And Peter was all like "What do you mean? You're a big alien guy and you're just gonna ask me 'What's up?' My husband was just killed by a crazy lady who I'm pretty sure was invincible. I don't know what to do…"

"Punch her. IN THE FACE!" Venom said. "I'm busy so I can't help you, but PUNCH HER. IN THE FACE!" Peter was distraught, as this mysterious foe had almost mary sue-levels of strength, he'd surely be massacred if he went it alone. "Daddy, I could help!" Junior said. "I have haunted cartridge monster powers and also I can do all the spiderman things!" he said. He was probably more powerful than Peter.

"It's too dangerous." Peter said.

"For you to go alone." Junior responded.

"Fine you can come." Peter said.

So they went back to New York City, where Enidan was apparently living. And Spidey was PISSED. He punched everybody that was in his way. Skating kids, thugs, even old ladies, none were safe from Spidey's wrath. He even threw a dumpster at one person. A whole dumpster. And he carried the thing on his head, like in Super Mario Bros 2. And eventually, he punched his way into Neil Druckmann's apartment.

"YOU KILLED EKARD NAHTAN!" Peter Parker said.

"Yeah, well YOU called me a cuckold!" Neil shot back.

"Daddy, what's a cuckold?" Junior asked.

"Well, it's when a guy likes to watch his wife get-"

"BANG!" went a door as Edina came bursting through. "You're really back for a round 2, boy?" she said.

"Yes but now I'm mad" Peter yelled. He did that scream to prove it. You know, the one from the movies.

"You're a madman" Peter said. "A mad madman!"

"lol I know" Druckmann said as Enidan came at Spiderman. He thought he'd have the upper hand with his rage, but he was sorely mistaken. Junior came running at her, but she kicked the crap out of him. It was merciless. "HERE ME ROAR!" she screamed as she hurled the kid off of the building. Spiderman was heartbroken. First, she took Nahtan, now she took Junior. "You wanna know something funny? Whatever the hell your daughter's name is? She's next." When he realized she would not stop, Spiderman reached a level of rage thought impossible by most modern-day scientists. It wasn't a level, nay, it was a state of being. Most psychologists know it as "Pizza time". He then let out a scream of massive proportions, and used his godlike power to finally give Edina a swift punch to the face. She was punched so hard she got sucked back into the Uncharted cartridge, which Peter then destroyed. Just then, Parker lost his Pizza Time, and fell unconscious.

He woke up some time later in a hospital with a note on his lap. It read.

" _Dear Dad,_

 _Thanks for raising us and everything! Junior survived the fall because of inhuman strength and all that. We'd love to stay along but, being haunted video game cartridge monsters, it's our duty to go inside used video games and scare/potentially kill them! We love you!_

 _(Also Neil got arrested for making mediocre video games. Apparently that's a crime now!)_

 _Junior and Deah S'retep Htiw Tub Ekard Eissac"_

Having finally gotten out of the hospital, Peter went to that Gamestop store to see if that Spiderman game finally came out. It didn't. "It's the fault of Jew butts, most likely" Adolf Buttler told him. "Oh, but we DID get this game in recently!" He held a PS4 cartridge with the words "The Adventures of Roinuj Who Is Nathan Drake's Son" on it. "Please take it I'm scared" Adolf said.

Peter laughed.

THE END.

A/N plz review


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